ALMOST to, from surviving to thriving.

This post was supposed to be the third blog post in a three part series, but this weekend I realized why it has taken me so long to write this particular blog, which is now part 3 of 4…because I am not completely to thriving yet.

It’s funny where inspiration strikes.  I was watching a tv show, a comedy, and while sitting there it became very clear to me that my eating issues aren’t just an emotional eating issue, I am addicted to food.  Sure it’s basically the same thing, at least in my eyes, but when you string together the words eating and addiction, it sounds so much worse. Okay, so it isn’t drugs, or alcohol, or gambling, but it’s still a serious problem that causes unhealthy weight gain and potential health problems, which often times brings people right back into the cycle of I am happy/Sad/Mad – Eat – Feel Guilty – Be mad at yourself – etc.  Everyone’s wheel has different cycles, but the eating followed by guilt, then not caring, then eating some more, is usually the same.

Since discovering this not so new thing about myself, and finally putting the mirror back up to my face instead of a fork, I have realized that one of the things helping me in my quest to be healthier, was my food journal.  It’s not just about recording the food, it’s about recording how you are feeling at the time of doing it, and even when you are craving food for no reason.  I am not going to lie, I am pissed at myself.  I lost forty pounds just three years ago and I gained it all back, even after I promised myself I wouldn’t.  Sure, I was dealing with the loss of my mom and the journey through depression I went through, coupled with therapy, pretty much ripped me a new one, before it put me back together, but when I look back, it’s more than an excuse, it was me feeding my pain again.

It’s time Woman-Up, after all, how can I help others when I can’t even get my own crap together? Now, usually it’s not a good idea to get mad at yourself and pretty much throw yourself under the bus to make your point, but this is how I am feeling at the moment and I am leaving these raw emotions here, minus my swearing, because I want you to know you are not alone when you feel this way, I feel this way!  I think the one thing I am feeling which is more than anger, is disappointment, and lately the D word is much worse to me than anger. Disappointment is someone letting you down and  I let me down and I kept letting me down and making excuse after excuse after excuse.

I don’t know why I did it, but I know I need to stop it.  Just now, as I near the forty minute mark before I go home, I realized I was craving something fast-food.  That’s a trigger and people with food addictions, who emotionally eat, or comfort eat, have zillions of triggers.  It happens, so before you find yourself where I am, stop, think and start making decisions that will improve your healthy choices.  Everyone has guilty pleasures, that’s life, but guilty pleasures should be just that, a guilty pleasure, not an everyday option.

We will get through this together and when I get my wits about me and I am done scolding myself (okay, pretty much there…but just making a point), I will figure out my plan and revisit the work I did while in therapy.  It was helping until I thought I didn’t need to follow those guidelines anymore. I was wrong.  I know my issues and I have the tools to fix my disappointment and change it to a victory. Remember, there are therapists out there who can help, and organizations like Overeaters Anonymous that can help you and listen without judgment.  I admit I am being a bit too hard on myself, but again, I want you to know it’s not all sunshine and roses, but it can be.  So remember, don’t do that to you. It just leads to the cycle of eating and that is the wheel we are trying to stop.

Love yourself just as you are. That’s right. Just. As. You Are. Embrace your Awesome and don’t apologize for who you are either.  We all get where we need to be in our own timing, the challenge is to keep moving forward.  Practice Self-Love Daily and very soon I will be posting the blog for surviving to thriving.  Sometimes the key to thriving is admitting we have weaknesses and fixing them.  Weak is the opposite of strong, right? Right.  Strength takes work, but it’s doable work, so don’t give up on you, and don’t give up on me.  We’ve all got this.

Hugs and Light.

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